For Thanksgiving: 12 Ways To Be Thankful - by Therese Borchard

To get us in the mood for the Thanksgiving Holiday!

Cicero said that "gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." The English preacher John Henry Jowett wrote that "every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road." And according to Aseop Fables, "gratitude is the sign of noble souls." A dear professor of mine just acknowledged a thank-you note I sent him and told me that "gratitude is the sign of maturity and wisdom."

I don't feel like I'm very good at gratitude. This virtue comes hard to a depressive whose first thoughts are seldom positive. It has only been with much work and lots of practice that I have been able to cultivate gratitude and be genuinely thankful. Here are 12 techniques I use to help me get to the parent of all virtues.

1. See with the heart.

One of my very favorite quotes is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince": "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." Every time I throw myself into a tizzy because things aren't going as expected, or as I projected on my Excel spreadsheet for the year 2020, I have to remind myself that I'm looking with the wrong instruments: I need to go back and tell my heart to get some guts and speak up to my head because it's starting to listen to my eyes again.

2. Change your language.

Learning how to see with the heart--shifting perspectives ever so slightly--is easier once you learn how to talk to yourself and to others. Dan Baker, Ph.D., writes in "What Happy People Know": "Just as changing your life can change your language, changing your language can change your life." I do a lot of self-bashing, and when I'm in the middle of a rant, I'm not able to be thankful. According to Baker, recent research has actually proved that: it's impossible to be simultaneously in a state of appreciation and fear, which is why gratitude and appreciation are antidotes to fear. Moreover, the words I speak to myself and to others really do alter my perception of the world. But when I can recognize the toxic self-talk and change my choice of words, the seeds of gratitude can grow.

3. Get a gratitude partner.

Shifting perspectives--seeing that the cup you thought had one teensy drop is actually two-thirds full--and communicating with new language takes time, discipline, and practice. Just like working out. So it makes sense that a gratitude buddy might help you stay in line, just like your running partner does, or, well, is supposed to. Because, come on, who really wants to wake up at 5:30 in the morning on a dark, cold morning and jog around town, right? Only those who are training for the Olympics, exceptionally disciplined, or have work-out partners who will yell and get even if they are stood up.

4. Remember.

"Gratitude is the heart's memory" says the French proverb. Therefore, one of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember... to remember those in our lives who have walked with us and shown kindness. I have been extremely fortunate to have so many positive mentors in my life. For every scary crossroad--when I was tempted to take a destructive path and walk further away from the person whom I believe I was meant to become--I met a guardian, a messenger, to lead me out of the perilous forest.

5. Keep a gratitude journal.

Gratitude can do more than make you smile. Research conducted by psychologist Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis, author of "Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier," has found that it can also improve your health: raise energy levels, promote alertness and determination, improve sleep, and possibly relieve pain and fatigue. Emmons maintains that writing in a gratitude journal a few times a week can create lasting effects.

6. Write a thank you letter.

Another gratitude exercise suggested by Dr. Emmons, known as "the father of gratitude" in the psychology world, is to compose a "gratitude letter" to a person who has made a positive and lasting influence in your life. Emmons says the letter is especially powerful when you have not properly thanked the person in the past, and when you read the letter aloud to the person face to face.

7. Make a gratitude visit.

Emmons encourages folks to read their letters aloud in person. But I like to go free style. I just show up, usually to a high school or college classroom, and I tell the students what a difference in my life their teacher has made, that I hope that they know how lucky they are to be learning from such an exceptional person, and to be sure to take lots of notes because chances are that they won't throw out their notebooks after the course is over.

8. Start a gratitude club.

This sounds like an idea for those with, well, lots of time on their hands. But I'm only suggesting it because it works. Last year, Group Beyond Blue held four "self-esteem forums," where we got online at a specific time, and were each assigned one person to whom to write a warm-fuzzy letter. A few people visited the thread, just curious about what we were up to, and wept after reading some of the letters.

In his book, "Authentic Happiness," Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the father of the positive psychology movement, describes the dramatic impact of "Gratitude Night," where class members bring a guest who had been important in their lives but whom they hadn't thanked properly. Each member of the class presents a testimonial about the person and thank them. Gratitude night has become the high point of his class, and many students remark on their evaluations of the class at the end of the semester that gratitude night was truly one of the best nights of their entire life. Writes Seligman: "We do not have a vehicle in our culture for telling the people who mean the most to us how thankful we are that they are on the planet."

9. Acknowledge yourself.

Most published books include a page or two of acknowledgments, where the author cites all the persons who helped shepherd her book to production. It's like the Oscar moment, when the actor is up on stage and is rattling off every name he can think of and hopes to God he didn't forget anyone--especially his spouse. The truth is that most people, and especially those who suffer from low self-esteem, do forget a very important figure: themselves. Which is why I think a healthy activity is to write a page of acknowledgements to yourself. Mine would go something like this:

And I thank you, Self, for doing all that you do to try and keep me healthy: for storing the kids' Halloween bags up where you can't reach it, where you need a stool to get it down, which is entirely too much effort for a Kit Kat; for exercising four to five times a week; for going to therapy; for trying every day to erect boundaries between your work and home life; for taking six Omega-3 soft-gels capsules a day in addition to all the other vitamins and meds you swallow; for trying your best at good sleep hygiene; and for laughing at stupid stuff whenever possible, because I say that it's better than crying.

10. Accept a gift.

Sometimes gratitude is hard because we don't think we're worthy of the gifts bestowed on us. Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. explains this problem in his book "Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment": "When we do not feel that we are worthy of happiness, we cannot possibly feel worthy of the good things in our lives, the things that bring us happiness."
One of the hardest acts of gratitude is to graciously accept a gift, to believe in the goodness of the person who gave it to us, and to believe in ourselves enough to receive it. When I was a senior in college, a homeless man wanted to take me out to lunch. I had been spending my Fridays at a shelter and we had become friends. I didn't feel right about his spending the only dollars he had on a lunch for me. It should be the other way around.

"Let me take you," I said. And he frowned and became sad.

"Please," he pleaded, "Let me do this. It would make me happy."

So I let him. And it did.

11. Pray.

"If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice," wrote Meister Eckhart. I remember that piece of advice as I say my prayers in the morning, the hour I spend running around the Naval Academy. I start with a rosary, then I launch into all my prayer requests, which probably sound to God like Katherine's Christmas list does to me: "Mom, have that man, Santa, get me everything I have circled in this catalog, okay?"

And then, when I reach my favorite stretch of the run--where the academy field follows the Severn River, a gorgeous spot on the campus that takes my breath away--I don't say anything. I just take in the beauty with a grateful heart. My only prayer for those three minutes is "thank you."

12. Give back.

The other day I was trying to come up with a way of repaying a former professor of mine for all his encouragement and support to me throughout the years. Nothing I could ever do could match his kindness. No letter of appreciation. No visit to his classrooms. So I came up with this plan: perhaps I could help some young girl who fell into my path in the same way that he helped me. I told my professor-friend that I would try to help and inspire this lost person--I would try to guide her to a source of love and self-acceptance--just as he had done for me.

Giving back doesn't mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even. That's the beauty of giving. If someone does an act of kindness for you, one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.

***
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at www.thereseborchard.com.

Join Bliss, Corrine, Ed and Jamie – Bring in the New Year with Kirtan!

For more information: http://www.yogasource.info/AE/Awaken20091231.php

Sedona Sweat Lodge Deaths - by Chief Arvol Looking Horse, 19th Generation Keeper of the Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe Bundle

Chief Arvol Looking Horse,
19th Generation Keeper of the

Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe Bundle

October 20, 2009

Sedona sweat lodge deaths

As Keeper of our Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe Bundle, I am concerned for the 2 deaths and illnesses of the many people that participated in a sweat lodge in Sedona, Arizona that brought our sacred rite under fire in the news. I would like to clarify that this lodge and many others, are not our ceremonial way of life, because of the way they are being conducted. My prayers go out for their families and loved ones for their loss.

Our ceremonies are about life and healing, from the time this ancient ceremonial rite was given to our people, never has death been a part of our inikag’a (life within) when conducted properly. Today the rite is interpreted as a sweat lodge, it is much more then that. So the term does not fit our real meaning of purification.

Inikag’a is the oldest ceremony brought to us by Wakan Tanka (Great Spirit). 19 generations ago, the Lakota/Dakota/ Nakota Oyate people), were given seven sacred rites of healing by a Spirit Woman – Pte San Win (White Buffalo Calf Woman). She brought these rites along with our sacred C’anupa (pipe) to our People, when our ancestors were suffering from a difficult time. It was also brought for the future to help us for much more difficult times to come. They were brought to help us stay connected to who we are as a traditional cultural People. The values of conduct are very strict in any of these ceremonies, because we work with spirit. The way the Creator, Wakan Tanka told us; that if we stay humble and sincere, we will keep that connection with the inyan oyate (the stone people), who we call the Grandfathers, to be able to heal our selves and loved ones. We have a “gift” of prayer and healing and have to stay humble with our Unc’i Maka (Grandmother Earth) and with one another. The inikag’a is used in all of the seven sacred rites to prepare and finish the ceremonies, along with the sacred eagle feather. The feather represents the sacred knowledge of our ancestors.

Our First Nations People have to earn the right to pour the mini wic’oni (water of life) upon the inyan oyate (the stone people) in creating Inikag’a - by going on the vision quest for four years and four years Sundance. Then you are put through a ceremony to be painted - to recognize that you have now earned that right to take care of someone’s life through purification. They should also be able to understand our sacred language, to be able to understand the messages from the Grandfathers, because they are ancient, they are our spirit ancestors. They walk and teach the values of our culture; in being humble, wise, caring and compassionate.

What has happened in the news with the make shift sauna called the sweat lodge is not our ceremonial way of life!

When you do ceremony - you can not have money on your mind.

We deal with the pure sincere energy to create healing that comes from everyone in that circle of ceremony. The heart and mind must be connected. When you involve money, it changes the energy of healing. The person wants to get what they paid for; the Spirit Grandfathers will not be there, your way of life is now being exploited! You do more damage then good. No "mention" of monetary energy should exist in healing, not even with a can of love donations. When that energy exists, they will not even come. Only ‘after’ the ceremony, between the person that is being healed and the Intercessor who has helped connect with the Great Spirit, the energy of money can be given out of appreciation. That exchange of energy is from the heart; it is private and does not involve the Grandfathers! Whatever gift of appreciation the person who received the help, can now give the Intercessor whatever they feel their healing is worth.

In our Prophesy of the White Buffalo Calf Woman, she told us that she would return and stand upon the earth when we are having a hard time. In 1994 this began to happen with the birth of the white buffalo, not only their nation, but many animal nations began to show their sacred color, which is white. She predicted that at this time there would be many changes upon Grandmother Earth. There would be things that we never experienced or heard of before; climate changes, earth changes, diseases, disrespect for life and one another would be shocking and there would be also many false prophets!

My Grandmother that passed the bundle to me said I would be the last Keeper if the Oyate (people) do not straighten up. The assaults upon Grandmother Earth are horrendous, the assaults toward one another was not in our culture, the assaults against our People (Oyate) have been termed as genocide, and now we are experiencing spiritual genocide!

Because of the problems that began to arise with our rebirth of being able to do our ceremonies in the open since the Freedom of Religion Act of 1978, our Elders began talking to me about the abuses they seen in our ceremonial way of life, which was once very strict. After many years of witnessing their warnings, we held a meeting to address this very issue of lack of protocol in our ceremonies. After reaching an agreement of addressing the misconduct of our ceremonies and reminding of the proper protocols, a statement was made in March 2003. Every effort was made to insure our way of life of who we are as traditional cultural People was made, because these ways are for our future and all life upon the Grandmother Earth (Mitakuye Oyasin – All my relations), so that they may have good health. Because these atrocities are being mocked and practiced all over the world, there was even a film we made called “Spirits for Sale.”

The non-native people have a right to seek help from our “First Nation Intercessors” for good health and well-being, it is up to that intercessor. That is a privilege for all People that we gift for being able to have good health and understand that their protocol is to have respect and appreciate what we have to share. The First Nations Intercessor has to earn that right to our ceremonial way of life in the ways I have explained.

At this time, I would like to ask all Nations upon Grandmother Earth to please respect our sacred ceremonial way of life and stop the exploitation of our Tunka Oyate (Spiritual Grandfathers).

In a Sacred Hoop of Life, where there is no ending and no beginning!

Namah’u yo (hear my words),

Chief Arvol Looking Horse,

19th Generation Keeper of the Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe Bundle

6 Steps To Quiet The Mind - by Therese Borchard

I was all set to interview Eric Swanson, coauthor (with Yongey Mingur Rinpoche) of "Joyful Wisdom: Embracing Change and Finding Freedom," when I realized that my main question -- Can you give me some concrete steps to quiet the mind? -- was already addressed in his book!

He and Harmony Books graciously gave me permission to reprint parts of Chapter 7 on "Attention." Here is the step-by-step approach to mindfulness or meditation, the basic practices of quieting the mind, provided in "Joyful Wisdom":

Step One: Objectless Attention

The most basic approach to attention is referred to as "objectless"-- not focusing on any specific "scene" or aspect of experience, but just looking and marveling at the wide range of scenery as it comes and goes....Objectless attention involves settling into this "is-ness," simply watching thoughts, emotions, appearances and so on, as they emerge against or within the background of "space."

Step Two: Attention to Form

Form meditation simply involves raising this unconscious process to the level of active awareness. Just by looking with bare attention at a specific object, the restless bird [your mind] settles on its branch....When you rest your mind on an object you're seeing it as something distinct or separate from yourself. But when we let go and simply rest our minds in bare attention, gradually we begin to realize whatever we see, and however we see it, is an image made up of thoughts, memories, and the limitations conditioned by our sensory organs. In other words, there's no difference between what is seen and the mind that sees it.

Step Three: Attending to Sound

Attending to sound is very similar to attending to form, except that now you're engaging the faculty of hearing instead of sight...Gradually allow yourself to pay attention to sounds close to your awareness, such as your heartbeat or your breath. Alternatively, you can focus on sounds that occur naturally in your immediate surroundings, such as rain pattering against a window, the noise of a television or stereo coming from a neighbor's apartment, the roar of an airplane passing above, or even the chirps and whistles of restless birds outside.

Step Four: Attending to Physical Experience

Our embodied state is a blessing in disguise, fertile ground through which we may discover the possibilities of awareness. One way to access these possibilities is through paying attention to physical sensations, a process that may be most simply accessed through watching your breath. All you have to do is focus your attention lightly on the simple act of inhaling and exhaling. You can place your attention on the passage of air through your nostrils or on the sensation of air filling and exiting your lungs. Focusing on the breath is particularly useful when you catch yourself feeling stressed or distracted. The simple act of drawing attention to your breath produces a state of calmness and awareness that allows you to step back from whatever problems you might be facing and respond to them more calmly and objectively.

Step Five: Attending to Thoughts

Paying attention to thoughts isn't aimed at stopping thoughts, but simply observing them. Like taking time to look at a rose or listen to a sound, taking time to observe your thoughts doesn't involve analyzing the thoughts themselves. Rather, the emphasis rests on the act of observing, which naturally calms and steadies the mind that observes. You can use your thoughts rather be used by them. If a hundred thoughts pass through your mind in the space of a minute, you have a hundred supports for meditation...There's no need to become attached to the awareness of a thought or to focus on it so intently that you attempt to make it go away. Thoughts come and go, as an old Buddhist saying holds, like "snowflakes falling on a hot rock." Whatever passes through the mind, just watch it come and go, lightly and without attachment, the way you'd practice gently resting your attention on forms, sounds or physical sensations.

Step Six: Attending to Emotions

The method of observing emotions varies according to the type of emotion you're experiencing. If you're feeling a positive emotion, you can focus on both the feeling AND the object of the feeling. For example, if you're feeling love for a child, you can rest your attention on both the child AND the love you feel for him or her. If you're feeling compassion for someone in trouble, you can focus on the person needing help AND your feeling of compassion...A more practical approach to emotions, similar to that of working with thoughts, is simply to rest your attention on the emotion itself rather than on its object. Just look at the emotion without analyzing it intellectually. Don't try to hold on to it or resist it. Simply observe it. When you do this, the emotion won't seem as solid, lasting or true as it initially did.

Reprinted from JOYFUL WISDOM: EMBRACING CHANGE AND FINDING FREEDOM Copyright © 2009 by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. Published by Harmony Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

***
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at http://www.thereseborchard.com/.

The Nothing That Heals Us - by Sharon Salzberg

It's the end of daylight savings time on the east coast, and it just about always seems to be dim. Each day is largely dark, and cold, hinting at the uselessness of endeavor and the insubstantiality of what we ordinarily run around seeking. It's a good time to be depressed.

This is the way we conventionally view what Buddhists call emptiness, and mystics of many traditions call nothingness or the Void. A really murky day, pointing to the uselessness of it all. But at the heart of personal, transformative wisdom, this emptiness isn't a cold, depressing problem, leading us down to nihilism - seeing emptiness is liberation. It brings us right through the seeming solidity and oppressiveness of our ordinary concerns, into a world where reality is shimmering, translucent, vital, while also being insubstantial, fleeting, and evanescent.

In speaking of the unalloyed, direct knowing of profound emptiness, the Buddha said, "Oh, Bhikkus, (mendicants) there is the unborn and the unconditioned. Here the four elements of earth, air, water, and fire have no place. The notions of length and breadth, the subtle and the gross, good and evil, name and form are altogether destroyed. Neither this world nor the other, no coming, going or standing, neither death nor birth, nor sense objects are to be found here."

In our human lives, experiencing this kind of profound emptiness means that like a candle flame gets blown out, our separateness and suffering are blown out. Not our capacity for love, or kindness, or clear seeing, or relationships, or work, or choosing soy ice cream in the grocery store over the dairy kind.

And the experience of this profound, liberating emptiness isn't meant only for those who lived long ago in far away places, sitting in caves and at the roots of trees. It is beckoning right here and now. I thought of that right away when looking at Joan Konner's book, "You Don't Have to Be Buddhist to Know Nothing: An Illustrious Collection of Thoughts on Naught."

I first met Joan when she was working on the Mystery of Love, a PBS documentary. From love to nothingness, in a few short years. That makes sense to me. In Buddhism we would say that when we perceive the transparency, the insubstantiality of life, we grow in wisdom. When we perceive relatedness within life, the interconnectedness, we grow in love. One never excludes the other.

In her book Joan has put together a collection of quotes from writers, philosophers, artists, musicians, poets, mystics and folks like the rest of us, all about, well, nothing. It is so much fun, along with being provocative and illuminating, to read. Everything is there, from Paul Valery, "God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through," to Emily Dickinson, " 'Nothing' is the force that renovates the World," to Oscar Wilde, "I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about." Almost every page invited me to take a few risks in perception, and step out of the strictures of feeling this day to day reality as all too solid.

In our society we are taught to badly want this and want that. But no matter what we get, it is never enough because it doesn't last. So the search for new experiences goes on and on. We look for new intellectual experiences and sexual experiences and cosmic experiences. Over and over. We even see people willing to destroy their bodies, their minds and their loving relationships--destroy their lives--for a new experience.

Even if a pleasant experience could endure, we could not bear for it to go on and on. Who could watch the same movie over and over without wanting a break? Who could listen to a sweet sound that never stops? Yet commonly when we seek rest from one experience we do so, ironically, by seeking another. It is possible to find rest even from the constant tedium and pressure of changing experience through knowing the difference between bleakness and what is meant in Buddhism by emptiness.

May the consideration of nothing free you from anxiety, dread, and all unhappy things. It's right here.

Who You Are Makes A Difference – by Anne Naylor

As we end the year, and Thanksgiving approaches this is a good time for taking stock. Who has made a difference in your life? Have you been able to make a difference in someone else's life? And who are you to be making a difference in anyone's life?

Thanksgiving is such a great holiday. As a European, I wish it were internationally celebrated. Even in difficult times we still have much we can be thankful for, especially those we love and care for, and those who make our lives better in some way.

Looking over 2009, who are the people who have made a difference to you, and how have they done that?

I started making a list, and it is still growing. On my list are friends who helped me out when I was feeling stuck. People who have made me laugh when I was taking life too seriously. One person who gave me an opportunity, out of the blue, which has made a huge difference in my quality of life. Dental surgeons who have treated me with great care. Members of my local church who have made me feel welcome. The couple who have generously created and taken care of my website. My Australian neighbor, with whom I often share a cup of tea at the end of a working afternoon.

What is special about these people? Yes, they have given their talents, their insights, time, thoughtfulness. What makes the connection for me in my memory is the caring and warmth that came from them. This quality is harder to define in words.

Who are we? We are not islands "entire unto ourselves". We do thrive from being remembered and genuinely appreciated. It is through our acts of caring that we discover the love we share. We connect.

Only connect!

That was the whole of her sermon.

Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted,

and human love will be seen at its height.

Live in fragments no longer. Only connect....

E M Forster

When you are introduced to someone new, you may ask about their role - what they do. For example: teacher, consultant, doctor, journalist, corporate executive or "retired". Then there is a family role - parent, child, brother/sister etc that defines you. But who you are goes beyond what you do in the worldly sense.

We are human BEings, not human DOings. Even those who are very accomplished in their lives tend to be remembered for their human qualities, how they related with people, how they loved, and were loved by, others.

I have no doubt that my Friends on Facebook and my Followers on Twitter are really lovely people. But do I "connect" with them such that they make a lasting and meaningful impression? Not really, up until now.

When I hug dear Trixie, 91 and now 11 months old, I remember that. Older people are not hugged as much as they might like. The warmth of her smile makes that simple act very rewarding.

Beauty is not in the face;

Beauty is a light in the heart.

Kahlil Gibran

So who are we? This is something of a mystery to me. There are qualities I recognize such as beauty, courage, humor, joy, enthusiasm, vibrancy, vitality, warmth, audacity. Human spirit, divine essence, soul, infinite energy come close to defining the inner Being for me.

It is in these times, when we have most need of comfort and encouragement from each other, that we may come to know better our profound selves through our acts of caring, kindness and compassion. Through these memorable acts, we may connect more deeply, and awaken more fully, to the love that we each are, and that we share. This awakening of love will I believe be instrumental in transforming many of the disorders we witness and experience around us. I believe that we are all more powerful than we ever dare to consider.

When the power of love overcome the love of power,

the world will know peace.

Jimi Hendrix

Who we each are makes a difference It just takes having the eyes to see. How many of us walk around, not knowing that we make a difference to others, or how? How many of those who have contributed to your life know the difference they have made to you? This might be a good moment to enlighten them. A Thanksgiving moment. Let us now awaken more of the love that we are.

The least movement is of importance to all nature.

The entire ocean is affected by a pebble.

Blaise Pascal

Who is the person who has made the most difference to you this year? What does "connecting" mean to you? What are your favorite ways to connect with others?

Smiling at Fear: Pema Chodron - By Alison Rose Levy

What do you fear most--- the Swine Flu, or the Swine Flu vaccine? Airport terrorists, or airport security searches? Growing old, or the alternative?

If you answered "all of the above," you'll guess why I went to a weekend retreat on fear with Pema Chodron, the noted Buddhist teacher and author of When Things Fall Apart-- held in upstate New York at the Omega Institute. Through the yellow leaves of a beautiful New England autumn, hundreds of people flocked to this finale of Omega's fall season.

Pema (as she invites people to call her) immediately dispelled many common misunderstandings about fear:

Myth # 1: The way to overcome fear is by acting fearless
Whistling at our fear, assuming a brave stance, "vaccinating" ourselves with affirmations, seeking out the psychic police for protection, or even pole-vaulting headlong into fear like would-be Olympians are the common strategies many of us use to overcome terror. But whether we seek protection, or try to prove how brave we are, we miss fear's true opportunity to teach us authentic courage.

When people ask, "why are you afraid?" or assure us that, "You don't have to be afraid," they aim to be helpful. But invalidating our reason for being fearful, subtly implies that it's shameful to have feelings of fear. From childhood up, many of us have received these kinds of messages.
That's why we declare fearlessness, or even sky dive to conquer fear-- bypassing the creepy descent into the fearful feelings that are nature's only fear medicine.

Psychologists call it "counter-phobic" to engage in risky behavior, walk down dark alleys, or do other scary things to demonstrate courage. A woman friend and I once went on a group tour to Tunisia. Soon bored by the droning tour guide, we decided to drive off to explore a scenic region, congratulating ourselves on our spirit of adventure. That was before the ninety mile an hour road chase in a deserted rural area with a carful of screaming men racing to catch up with us.

"We don't have to put on courage like a tough protective armor," Pema told the group. Instead of banishing fear, or making ourselves wrong for feeling fearful--allowing ourselves to go into fear and deeply feel it is the way to become spiritual warriors.

Truth # 1: The way to overcome fear is to feel fear

Myth # 2: Safety first: Avoiding fear is the only way to feel safe

Loss of love, health, home, cognizance, money, power, control. Abuse, physical danger, disease, injury, and death. These are some of the things we naturally fear.

In childhood, we skulk away from the playground bully, strange people in cars, fringe neighborhoods, and rollercoaster rides. In adulthood, we may try to avoid horror films, foreigners with strange names, the news, contagious germs, bureaucracies, or even airports. I've fallen out of contact with certain acquaintances who, following 9/11, became too fearful to visit my home town of New York City. Eight years of one way visits unbalanced the reciprocity in the relationships.

Seeking safety at all costs has two obvious pitfalls:

--We limit our potential when we fail to challenge ourselves to grow--and wind up bland, bored, addicted, and/or stuck--and yes, even overweight or obese as we stuff down our feelings with bland "comfort" foods.

--We project our fear onto outside things or people, dub them terrorists, and give them power to not only scare us but to turn us, our lives, and even our country into a padded prison, (even a cushy one) surrounded by barbed wire, our bombs tossed from a safe distance, as we turn our heads away to deny the harm we do.

If we cannot run towards fear to assert our bravery, if we can't run away and avoid what makes us fearful, how can we deal with fear? According to Pema Chodron, we can stand our ground and be with our fear. Just that is the basis of fearlessness.

Truth # 2: Be with fear

In the retreat, inspired by Smiling at Fear, a newly published book by Chodron's teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, we practiced checking in with ourselves to experience fear right there and then. Making this a regular practice has had an astonishing effect, exactly as Pema predicted, "When you learn to smile at your fear, to be with your fear, you become an authentic friend to yourself, and thereby develop confidence."

It's not that you become confident that you will encounter a germ-free world, access the strongest drugs, possess the smartest bomb, or hold the secret to love, fame and fortune.

The confidence is that you will be there for yourself always, come what may.

Announcing 2009 Sangha Holiday Gathering! Holiday Movie & Pot Luck - 12/12/09

TASC PRESENTS: "Preserving Tennessee's Prehistoric Past " Wed, 11-18 @ 7pm, Cohn School

The Tennessee Ancient Sites Conservancy and the Cohn Community Education Center present the 3nd installment of the seminar "Preserving Tennessee's Prehistoric Past." The seminar will take place Wednesday November 18 at 7pm at the Cohn School located at 4806 Park Ave. near the intersection of 46th Ave. and Charlotte Pike. The speaker will be Mr. Mack Prichard, State Archaeologist Emeritus and State Naturalist Emeritus who will give the program "Red Men, White Men, and the Conflicts of Heritage."

For information please call Mark Tolley at (615) 573-4611.

Mark M. Tolley Tennessee Ancient Sites Conservancy http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TennesseeAncientSites/

**TASC has 501(c)(3) tax exempt status with the IRS, and all donations are tax deductible.

**Photo courtesy of Steve Brook: Pres. Mark Tolley overlooking Mound Bottom, Pegram, TN

Free Food for Those in Need - From Daniel Burnell

If you know someone, please send this along. It could make all the difference in their life.
With Metta, Tanya

FROM:
Daniel Burnell
Western Hills Church of Christ
7565 Charlotte Pike
Nashville, TN 37209
615-352-4362
email: dburnell@westernhillschurch.org

Hey friends,

I just want to tell everyone about a wonderful ministry opportunity that God led me to last week.

Every day at the west Nashville center for Youth Encouragement Services, a delivery truck drops off a large load of food that is nearing its expiration date. The food comes from all over Nashville from stores like: Trader Joes, Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, and Costco. It's really good food, but like I said, it's usually about 5-10 days from expiring. The good news is that it's absolutely free!! The center director, David Estes, invited me to come and be a part of the delivery last week; I was blown away by all of the food that the truck delivered.

There were pallets of baked breads, pies, cakes, cupcakes, cookies, and several other baked goods. There were boxes of produce like: bananas, tomatoes, fresh corn on the cob, and plenty of other vegetables and fruits. There were hundreds of canned goods and jars of peanut butter, and tons of organic foods. Everything was high quality!

David asked me to turn this blessing for his center into a blessing for families that are in need. So, I'm turning to all of you for help. David admitted that he has to turn away food and even has to throw away food often because it goes bad. I think that each of us know people that could be getting this food on a daily basis.

Here's what we want to do with this: Every Monday through Friday from 2:30-3:30pm, we will be opening up the Y.E.S. center for families in need to come and get the food that they need. We're even going to allow college students with little or no money to come and get what they need too. I will be at the center on Monday, Tuesdays, and Fridays to help box up and distribute the food. Someone will be there to help on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well. If you are free from 2:30-3:30 on any of those days, please come by and help serve.

The main goal here is for you to introduce this blessing to people in your life that could really benefit from this. I have been praying that God would do something like this in my life and He has answered quickly. No one should have to live without food and this is an amazing way to help stop hunger in Nashville. Please pass this along to others for me.

Grace and Peace,
Daniel

Contact Info:
Daniel Burnell
Western Hills Church of Christ
7565 Charlotte Pike
Nashville, TN 37209
615-352-4362
email: dburnell@westernhillschurch.org

St. Lukes Center (Youth Encouragement Services)
1605 56th Avenue
Nashville, TN 37209
(615) 350-1140

Lakota Ceremony and Potluck Dinner - By Stephen Frasier

I am really warming up to Nashville ’s Circle of Friends group now, especially after the wonderful experiences from this evening’s Lakota ceremony and potluck dinner. I had a fantastic and even emotional time, and it was obvious that the rest of the group did, too.

It was great to meet some new people I’ve not yet had the pleasure of seeing or meeting at any Circle of Friends meditation groups on Tuesday nights. I will probably not mention the names of the people I just met, because I know I will leave some out; it takes me a few times to get names down pat.

I am sure everyone is very thankful to Maribeth and David for opening their very beautiful home to all of us for this event – and I also thank her for loaning me a Wayne Dyer movie called Ambition to Meaning: Finding Your Life’s Purpose. I can hardly wait to watch it. I have another Wayne Dyer program and it is one of my favorite DVDs in the spiritual category and includes Wisdom of the Ages and How to Get What You Really, Really, Really, Really Want.

First, Joe Johnston smudged us all with burning sweet grass. I have not been smudged since the Marietta , GA AA meetings I used to attend which were sometimes led by a recovering Native American who smudged us with smoldering sage. Smudging is a quick and simple cleansing ceremony performed by many Native American tribes and probably other spiritual groups as well.

Next, we sat on the floor in a circle and Joe led the group in a ceremony to celebrate Tanya’s recovery from cancer. There was drumming, Lakota singing, praying, honoring Tanya, and more. Joe explained the significance and symbolism of Flicker (a bird in the woodpecker family) feathers and down, and he gave a set of feathers to the three people in the group who have recently beaten serious illness (Tanya, Christy, and Ted). The whole ordeal was quite beautiful and meaningful to me; I even found my eyes watering and nose running, but I think I hid it from the group well enough! (They’ll never know!) The Native American references and symbolism really resonated with me, as I am part Cherokee and for whatever reason can really empathize with the plight of the Indians and how they were treated by the domineering white man.

Next, we went out onto the deck where Tanya burned the prayer ties she had been given by various group members back when she was first diagnosed. She carried these prayer ties with her everywhere, including the hospital, when she was ill (throughout which time she continued to work and care for her ailing mother: a wonderful example of faith and perseverance to all of us).

Frankly, I was salivating from the get-go: you should have seen the layout of potluck treats. If I could take the time I would describe every dish and how delicious all of it was. After the burning ceremony, we dug in to all of the culinary delights with vigor.

We laughed and had a great time as we enjoyed all the delicious food. This was extremely fun for me, as I have very effectively played the role of a social recluse or hermit for a while now due to a bout of severe depression; I have not attended (or even been invited) to any such social event for about as long as I can remember, so it meant a helluva lot to me.

Thanks to everyone! It was great!

Dear Friend,

Spiritual development requires courage because experiencing the frightened parts of your personality is painful and you cannot change them without experiencing them and because you must chose consciously to create differently than you have in the past. You exorcise your own demons with the force of your will and you use your freedom to create with the intentions of the soul, which are harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for Life.

In order to create authentic power, you need to develop the ability to distinguish fear-based parts of your personality from the love-based parts and to challenge the fear-based parts (don’t act on them, even while you are feeling them) and cultivate the love-based parts (act on them and recreate them). You were born to heal the frightened parts of your personality and to cultivate the loving parts.

Love,

Do You Have To Accept Being A Victim? – By Russell Bishop

What if I'm the one to blame for my own difficult circumstances?

That could be pretty hard to accept if you are one who was hit by the drunken driver, harder still if you look at the circumstances of someone who was abused at the hands of a stronger person, one who clearly lacked the ability to defend themselves at the time.

So, let's shift the question from blaming someone else for my circumstances, to:

Who's to blame for how I experience my circumstances?

Now, this one could be really interesting, especially for those of you who like to keep raising the red herring of "blaming the victim."

Anyone who has ever worked with victims of various tragedies will know that there is a great deal of difference between what happened and how the person responds to what happened. You may not have chosen the circumstances, but sooner or later you are going to have to accept responsibility for your responses and choices that come after the fact.

(An important caveat here: I am definitely not addressing those who may have been truly incapable of choosing or responding differently. For example, I am not addressing those who have become brain injured. However, I am addressing those who continue to bemoan their fate rather than get on with what's left.)

There are thousands of examples around us every day of people who have gone through hell and chosen to rise above what has happened to them. Some will say these are superheroes, and, I suppose they are in a way. What makes them super, however, has precious little to do with gifted abilities; it does have to do with the mindful awareness and courage to accept that if anyone is going to do anything about my problems, it's probably going to start with me.

My favorite example is Mitchell, as he prefers to be called. Mitchell was horribly disfigured in a fiery motorcycle crash many years ago; after many surgeries and a lengthy recovery, he then found himself paralyzed as a result of a small airplane crash. As he is fond of saying,

"Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do. Now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I've lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left."
Read his book, It's Not What Happens To You, It's What You Do About It, and see for yourself what could happen if you truly do choose to accept responsibility for your next steps.

Can Acceptance Be The Key To Lasting Change?

This opens an important question in terms of creating life in a more fulfilling and uplifting way - the role of acceptance.

Acceptance may be one of those mandatory preconditions not only improving your life experience, but also for discovering your source of Inspiration and Aspiration.

(If you want to follow the larger context, here's a link to my free archive of Huff Post articles. You can either start with the July 20, 2009 post which started this series on inspiration and aspiration, or you may prefer to go all the way back to my first post on July 15, 2008. There's no way I know of to impart a complete answer in a single post, so if some of this seems to be hanging out there a bit, you may find it useful to read some of the earlier posts and connect the dots.)

If someone chooses to live in a state of denial, it's pretty hard to help them make any improvement. Talk to anyone counsels people in difficult circumstances, ranging from addiction and cancer to divorce and bankruptcy, and most will tell you that a critical step on the path to recovery is acceptance.

Acceptance does not mean "liking it." You don't have to like your circumstance, you just have to acknowledge the reality and accept that the circumstance is what it is. Mitchell couldn't do anything to change the disfigurement or paralysis yet neither did he have to dwell on some kind of self-pity or bemoan his fate. While it might be understandable that one would indulge in a few rounds of self-pity, sooner or later acceptance has to show up if you are going to move forward.

Shortly after my father died, the insurance company denied both health and death benefits, and our family was forced into a third bankruptcy, I wound up living in my beater of a car. Sure, not the same level as Mitchell, but tough enough for an 18 year old.

I received some great counsel from an early mentor, Ernie Gourdine. Ernie turned me on to Fritz Perls (considered the "father of Gestalt therapy"). Fritz was big on awareness with a constant suggestion that simple awareness can often be curative. Awareness is a precursor to acceptance - hard to accept what you don't notice.

I found myself blaming my family, blaming the hospital, blaming the insurance company, and just about anything or anyone around. Then I noticed that no matter how much I blamed something or someone, I still had my circumstances to deal with. Once I accepted the reality - a beater car, a few clothes, $6.35 in the bank, and not much else - I was then able to start making choices about how to improve my situation.

To be sure, there were numerous challenges, but the only choice I had was to choose or to collapse and decry my fate.

So, take a look at your circumstances. Can you accept that they just are what they are? Even if it seems you have been dealt a raw hand, it's still the hand you are left to play. If you are going to improve upon the current reality, the very first thing you have to do is accept what you have. You don't have to like it, want it or anything close; you just have to accept that what's present, is what's so. From there, you can begin to make choices about how to make things a bit better.

You can blame the banks, the politicians, the greedy powers that be, and just about anyone else. I know from my own experience, that after you get done blaming, you are still going to be left with your life, your circumstances, and your next choices.

So, consider carefully how you choose. Each choice leads you somewhere. Are you choosing a direction your truly prefer?

More on this notion to come, including some thoughts about progress vs. perfection, and what to do if the next choice you make doesn't work out quite the way you hoped.

As always, please do share your thoughts, comments and suggestions, either via the comments section below, or by emailing me directly.

***
Russell Bishop is an Educational Psychologist, professional life coach and management consultant, based in Santa Barbara California. You can find out more about Russell at http://www.lessonsinthekeyoflife.com.

Contact Russell by email at: Russell (at) lessonsinthekeyoflife.com

The Test of Truth

What is the test of truth? The Buddha offers a simple formula: Test things in terms of cause and effect. Whatever is unskillful, leading to harm and ill, should be abandoned; whatever is skillful, leading to happiness and peace, should be pursued. Apply the test of skillfulness to all teachings in all your actions. Where is this teaching taking you? Is it moving you in a direction that is wise and kind? One quick test isn’t enough, you know.

You have to keep at it, so that your sensitivity to the results of your actions grows more and more refined with practice. When you’ve done the hard work of asking these questions, then you can decide for yourself whether a teaching, or a teacher, is worth following. And at the same time, you’ve also taught yourself how to live—a learning that can bring with it joy and the energy to go even deeper.

- Larry Rosenberg, from “The Right to Ask Questions,” Tricycle, Fall 2003

- ©Photo "Traveling the Path," by Bryan Touchstone Photography